The battle of the republican wife cheaters has finally ended with Newt “Back Door Man”
I Don't Remeber
Gingrich beating out Herman “Masher” Cain. It started out simple enough and nobody but nobody saw this battle coming. It began when Herman “Masher” Cain was accused of having an affair and he replied that he could not remember a thing about it.
"He's lying", said Back Door Man Gingrich.
Hearing this Newt “Back Door Man” Gingrich began a rumor that the Masher was lying. As the circle of women gathered around Masher Cain he found it increasingly difficult get a boner and this worried a lot of women.
I Only Banged One
Thinking the best thing to do was to come clean Masher admitted to having an affair with one woman. “It was only one that I banged and I was doing her a favor. Just ask her.” Satisfied that this was the end of Masher Cain, Newt “Back Door Man” Gingrich rested easy. When, lo and behold who appears on the horizon? Is that Mr. Clean I see, no it’s Mitt Romney! Mitt accused Newt of being the biggest masher in DC.
"You ain't nothing but a lying sack of shit Newt!!"
“I’ll be dipped in shit,” Newt said, “you got me Mitt, you got me!”
“I banged one, just one, I met her in a bar in Baltimore. She was pulling smoke from the filter of Virginia Slim 100’s and sucking beer out of long neck king Knicks. I couldn’t believe it. Can you
"OK, I banged one too."
say oral fixation? Who could have refused? I wanted to marry her the moment I saw her.”
"God will come down upon you with great vengence."
“Oh for christ’s sake,” Mitt said, “this lying sack of shit ain’t gonna get away with this.”
“OK, OK,” Newt said, ” I admit I banged two but they were so close
"The two I banged were so close together it seemed like one."
together that it should just be counted as one. They were both the same day.”
Tricked into thinking this was a contest as to who banged the most women Newt held a press conference to announce her really has banged just 5 women.
"I win!! I banged 5!! I win!!
No women came forward to take credit as one of this number but no one doubts that a wife cheater is a wife cheater. To think he only cheated on two of his 3 wives and only did it once to each is a more than anyone can believe. It’s probably more like 10.
"Keep this quiet but I really banged 10."